Oct. 13th, 2005 @ 08:27 am
Sorry; this question is for parents today. :D
Were you prepared to beceome a parent? What was the biggest area of growth that parenthood brought?
Sure, I was prepared to become a parent. I wanted a family and kids of my own. I just took it as it came whenever it happened.
The biggest area of growth for me was having to share my time, money, intelligence, interests - everything - with my family. After being to college and being on my own (which was very enjoyable!!) having a family meant sharing all I had with them. It's not that I didn't want to share these things - I do. It's just difficult sometimes. Sometimes there's not enough money to go around, so they usually get that (in the terms of clothes, school supplies, etc.) I haven't bought myself some nice clothes in years (er...but I'll buy that book I need in a flash!) lol The thing I'm really selfish with is my "me" time. I'm not one of those moms that has problems with giving to everyone else and has nothing left for herself. :D But I'm greedy not only with that time but the time I have with the kids. So I say no to a lot of outside things now so that I can just be with my kids.
I relate to this so much.
I was prepared in a practical sense. I had practically raised my little sisters that are ten and twelve years younger than I am. Babies were no big deal.
I think that I matured greatly after giving birth. When the buck stops *here* then you have to step up to the plate...ready or not. I am grateful that I was able to do so. Not every child is lucky enough to have their parents grow up in time. I'm glad I was ready enough in that sense. I could never live with myself if I hadn't.
When I saw my friends being mothers I wanted to be a mother too. Does that make me prepared or selfish? I wasn't even married when my boyfriend (now ex-husband) and I decided to have children. At least I wasn't a child myself.
My kids are 13 and 15 today. Only now am I able to be the June Cleaver/Martha Stewart type mom I've wanted to be for them. The previous years were spent trying to get from one day to the next.
In retrospect, I was and wasn't prepared. However I wouldn't change a thing. One thing I've learned is that there will never be a perfect time for anything. Now is good.
I wasn't prepared at all, although once I realised I was pregnant I was pleased, excited, apprehensive all rolled into one. I was, and still am a single parent and that's got to be the hardest thing I think however, I'm far happier about it than if my daughter's biloigical father had stayed with us (he walked out when I was 4 months prengant, we've never seen him since and my daughter is now 18).
Of course I bought all the prerequisite 'baby' books and avidly read Mriam Stoppard and even Dr Spock, courtesy of my mother. Once I'd given birth, which was a horrendous emergency CS, I thre them all out in disgust.
To be hoest I hadn't a clue, I didn't even feel this overwhelming love for my child, like 'real' mothers are supposed to. I felt a huge failure and still do in some respects. But the most wonderful thing is that my daughter and I are very close, almost like sisters in some ways. She's a gem of a young lady and I'm very proud of her. Having said all that, I'm not a mother earth type figure and one child was plenty for me. I bugged my doctor for a sterization, which I was granted a few years later.
Another thing that has taken me a long time to realise is that I don't have to be defined by motherhood. It's only one aspect, albeit an important one, of all my roles in this life.
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